The end is near.

Looks like baby Nolan will be joining us in a few short days. I am scheduled to be induced the evening of September 9th. Little Nolan is expected to arrive sometime on Monday the 10th. It's so surreal knowing an exact date... the end is near, and is coming if I am ready or not.

I am having mixed feelings about being induced. It is not at all how I had planned out my birth experience in my head. But then again, nothing about me getting pregnant, or being pregnant has lived out according to my plans. But this whole journey has taught me something that I probably needed a little assistance in. I can not control everything that happens. Even though this is something that I have strived to do my whole life, I have learned the reality of it is life doesn't work that way. I don't get to call the shots for everything, and sometimes, you just have to go with the flow. It's a hard pill to swallow coming from someone like me. And I have fought this battle with all my strength to only learn that sometimes you just have to let go. (My husband would be proud to hear me say that.) Craig and I have always had a plan. We have done things exactly how we thought would be best in our life. We were high school sweethearts who refused to get married right out of high school so we could do things in a certain order. Have fun, grow up and learn together, work hard, buy cars and a home of our own, get married, go on a dream honeymoon, and the day we were ready we would have a baby, no problems, no questions, no heartache. It would just happen all according to plan... I always got my way, and had things work out how I has visioned.... until of course that last step. Health problems, and struggles changed everything. I have a had a hard time accepting a lot of things about all this. How exactly it was fair, or warranted. What I had done to be put in this situation. But, shit happens. It sucks... but it happens, and it will happen to anyone, and any moment, if you "deserve it" or not. Life IS NOT fair. Bad things happen to good people... and good things sometimes fall into bad peoples laps. It's shitty... I hate it. But I have come to terms with the fact that, that is just the way the cookie crumbles sometimes.  So as much as I didn't want health problems before pregnancy, or to struggle getting pregnant, or have a high risk pregnancy, and modified bed rest, and an early induction.... that is just how it is. There was nothing I could do in my power to change a thing about it. Those that have been close during this pregnancy have had to shake their heads at me several times reminding me that the fight I was putting up about various things was not a fight I was going to win. This was my moment in life where letting go is what was required. And with a child that will soon be in my life, this is probably a lesson well timed... since I have been told that children will show you, that you are not always in control. Every moment can not be planned out and kept. Sometimes your blueprint needs to be modified.

Craig and I can not wait to meet our son. He is a blessing in our life and I am honored that I get to be his mother. He will grow up around so many wonderful people that love him so much already. If there is one thing that I can promise him, it is that. He will be loved.