Letters to a new lover

I have been keeping a small journal for Nolan. I actually created him an e-mail address and I just send him an e-mail whenever I am thinking about little things he does. I figure this way I can't ever lose the notebook... and my writing will always be legible. Something that he could look back on someday... but mostly something that I can go back to and remember any moment I wish to remember. Any moment that I fear may somehow slip my mind in the midst of everyday life. Like the way he sticks his little bottom lip out before he is getting ready to cry. Its the biggest pouty face I have ever seen, and he has done this since the day he was born. I hope that this is something he will forever do. A quirk of his that I can forever cherish. But it pains me to know, that this is something he will most likely outgrow. Or his gorgeous blue eyes. God, how I pray those don't change. His Daddy says he has my eyes, but I believe that his are much more beautiful then mine. Or the way his tiny little hand holds just one of my fingers when I feed him. A combination of him not wanting me to take the bottle from him, and him loving on his momma.

I try and cherish every moment I can. Knowing someday my baby wont be a baby anymore. Someday, a lot sooner then I am sure my heart can take, he will be a man. I find that I don't have nearly close to the same amount of time I used to have for other things anymore. But I find myself being okay with this. Okay with the times Nolan wants nothing more then to be cuddled. Or the moments when I find myself completely entranced by the peacefulness of my sleeping beauty. Or laying next to him as he coos and squeals at the simplest things he finds so mesmerizing.

I never knew I could love another boy as much as I love Craig.